Vash + Sleep depravity = Baaad.
by Teal Huskie
Summary: Hilarious story I started once when I had nothing better to do. It starts in Vash's POV, but I'm going to switch to third character eventually. Its just... strange. n.n;
1. Chapter 1 [Vash meets Vai-erm. Vikki. Ye...

:: La la. Go back to Stories page. :: (FFnet people ignore this)

**Vash + Sleep depravity = Baaad.  
Chap. 1**

Random thoughts fluttered through a certain spikey-haired gunman's mind...

_I didn't sleep last night._

_Sleep deprived._

_Okay, so maybe I missed sleep for the past few nights..._

_Sleep on the job._

_Who really would notice anyway?_

_No sleeping on job._

_Its not like people see me everyday and know who I am and.. shutting up._

_Bad._

_Very bad._

_......Wait. Job? When did I get a job?_

I blinked, staring at nothing important, giving my vision a chance to clear.

_Mind... hazy...._

"Wha..?" I took in my surroundings and nearly fell out of the chair I was sitting in. A desk, a computer, a few chairs, another desk, about two telephones, a bunch of other electronic stuff like printers and scanners, and a whoooole lot of papers. "Where in the whatnow!?" I was indoors, obviously, from the fluorescent lights that peered down from above, to the faded tawny carpet below.

Just then, a chirpy voice broke my train of thought, "Hiya!" And this time I did fall out of my chair. With a bang too. The silverhaired girl stood over me and sweatdropped. "Ow." I peered up at her from the floor.

"Yes. My name's Vai--" She stopped in mid introduction and changed her name, ".......My name's Vikki." She smiled pleasantly.

"Ow." I said again.

"Yes." She rolled her eyes.

I sat up, painfully aware that I had somehow managed to land on my head, from crashing a mere two feet to the floor. 'Vikki' tapped one booted foot on the ground. "You know, usually when people tell you hello, you respond with the same thing." Her smile now had an acidic flash to it. I stared for a minute. "....Hai."

"That's better." The smile became pure again.

After standing up and adjusting my trench, I offered her my hand. "Hello, I'm Va-errrh.. uhh... Ericks!" I grinned stupidly and cursed myself for my mistake. For all I knew, this girl could be a bounty hunter. She shot me a confused look. "I thought we already settled this." I blinked in return. "Nani?" Smack! I staggered backward. "Pain!" I howled sharply. Rubbing my now-sore cheekbone, I peered back at her and wondered what I had said wrong. "The heck is wrong with you, Vash? I don't need a nanny!" She huffed, appearing flustered. "Besides, this is my PARENT's house. Not mine. Take it up with them."

Now it was my turn to look confused. "But I..." _didn't say anything like that.... _  
She turned flaming green eyes upon me. "Hmmmm?" Something else hit me then too;   
"How did..." _you know my name...? _  
  
Vikki crossed her arms and shook her head, a mild gesture which sent her silky silver hair twirling around her. "I suppose you don't remember anything about this, right? And you probably wonder why you're here, where you are exactly.. and how I know your name." _And Bingo was his name-o._

She continued, "You also are probably curious as to why you are still alive, and I'm sure you just happen to have forgotten our little late-night-chat."

I peered at her with my sparkly aquamarine eyes and admitted in total admiration, "...Woow." Cause she was just so right.

"Okay, there was this really bad storm last night. I mean REALLY bad. Wind, lightning, thunder; the works. And about halfway into the worst of it me and my parents heard this weird sound, so we went to the window, and saw this really tall, really creepy guy standing right out in the middle of the yard." By now the hairs on the back of my neck prickled. Really tall creepy men? This was getting scary. "We all nearly screamed when the guy pulled out a gun, but time seemed to freeze or something because he just stood there, almost like the rain had him locked in a deep trance of some sort. But all of a sudden," She paused to snicker. I merely blinked and waited for her to continue, not quite catching on yet.. "This huuuge bolt of lightning comes searing down before we could warn the guy and we later found out he had one mechanical arm, which made him like a lightning rod out there. Anyway, it struck and nearly fried the poor idiot senseless, and we ended up feeling sorry for him after a few hours and we brought him into the house to see if he was still alive or not. That's also when we discovered who he really was."

I felt a twinge in my stomach. How could I help but feel sorry for the guy as well? Who cares how big of a total moron he was. I scratched the back of my neck. "So who was this doofus?"

She stared at me. "YOU!"

* * *

Author notes: This story is for fun. ^-^ Are you hooked yet? Next chapter's even funnier, so enjoy!

Remember to gimme comments and tell me how much you love/hate my stories! Rufus@tealhuskie.com  
......I just had to add that. n.o;;

Vikki the mysterious is my other self and is © me. Vash is MINE..... but he's © whoever made the show. ;___;!!  
Do not take any ideas from my story, you naughty naughty peep! n.n


	2. Chapter 2 [Vash goes grocery shopping. G...

:: Run awaaay!! :: (and ignore this.. -_-;)

**Vash + Sleep Depravity = Baaad.  
Chap. 2**

I was taken aback. "What?" I asked. She grinned wickedly and stepped up to me. She hardly came to my chest at full height, but you have to understand that height doesn't always matter, and she was really, really scary! "Baka!"

I cringed involuntarily, which was a mistake, because she managed to jump and get me in a headlock. I yipped in total surprise and tried to pull away, dashing out the door into a different room of the house. (It appeared to be a hall, 'cause there was a stairway and stuff in it.) She didn't give up, but began tickling me with her free hand. I squealed like a ... well... like an idiot, and in my confused state it didn't take long for me to end up sprawled on the floor, clawing at the arm around my neck.

Headlocks suck.

"Leggooooooo!" I whined, nearly choking by this point.

"Will you come with me to get the groceries?" She asked.

I nodded (as much as I could, being I was still in the headlock.) and she let go. I sat up, rubbing my neck, and took in a deep, much needed breath. Ahh... Oxygen.

I had a thought. "What is a groceries?"

Vikki blinked. "Uhh... You - I - Ehh.. Uh... You don't know what groceries are!?" She seemed very surprised by this, I think.

"Well. It does sound familiar..." I admitted truthfully, rubbing my chin with a hand to help the image of contemplating. "But I forgot."

There was a moment of silence, in which I figured she was either thinking of explaining it to me, or bashing my brains out with a chair. I flashed one of my crazy grins at her and tried to seem innocent. Just to be safe.

"...Groceries are food." She said plainly, recrossing her arms. I realized I was still sitting on the floor, and hurriedly stood up. She walked over to the doorway, opened it, and stepped out onto the cement porch. I ran after her, not paying much attention, really, and cracked my head on the doorframe. "YEEEOWWWWWWW!" I howled, grabbing my smarting forehead in my hands. If you've ever done that before, you must know how painful it is. And I've had much experience with it in the past. Vikki whirled around at my scream. She stared blankly, and spoke in a monotonous voice, "...Sorry about that. Low doorways."

She turned on heel and headed off again. Whimpering like an injured puppy, I slunk after her. I barely got two steps outside when I remembered I had to shut the door. Evil door. I glared at it. Slowly, slowly, I reached and pulled the knob to close it. One hand was still over my now throbbing head.

Click.

It shut. Hurrah and spooflefluzzies! No casualties! I did a little victory dance and spun around, stopping only to skip after Vikki. "H-Hey! Wait up already!"

As I caught up, she smirked. "Are you always this strange?" "Strange? Howso?" "I could have picked a different word." Her smirk lengthened. I eyed her suspiciously. "Try me."

"Okay, lets see here..." She began counting on her fingers. She ran out of fingers on that hand and started counting on the other. _Uh oh.._

"Stupid. Clumsy. Idiotic. Childish. Whiny...." I tried to ignore her. "..weird. Odd. Off-the-rocker. Easily Distracted. Dumb. Dweebish..." It didn't work that well. I covered my ears. "..mpossible. Annoying. ...HEY! Hey, Vash are you listening? You big dork!!"

I uncovered my ears and yawned. "That's nice." I commented.

She beamed sarcastically with narrowed eyes, and stuck out her tongue. "Broom head."

* * *

Author notes: La la la. So fun! ^____^ Did you like it yet? Enticed? Want more? *Waves next chapter above your head.* Eeheehee you can't reach it! :D 

Remember to gimme comments and tell me how much you love/hate my stories! Rufus@tealhuskie.com  
......I just had to add that. n.o;;  
  
Same copyright stuff. Story and content © me. Vikki is totally © me. Vash is mine, but not mine. o.o;


	3. Chapter 3 [Vash makes an enemy - an Old ...

:: Are you scared yet? Escape here. :: (igggnoooooreeeeee)

**Vash + Sleep Depravity = Baaad.  
Chap. 3!**

I raised an eyebrow. "What?"

She snickered mysteriously! "Broom head! Needle noggin! Spiky dorkface! Pokey head! Take your pick, sweetheart." I wondered how one could snicker mysteriously. Vikki saw my confused look and gave me a pat on the shoulder. "Don't think about it too much, you're brain is liable to have a meltdown or something." This only confused me more.

She smiled mysteriously. "Besides, we're here." I looked up and saw that we were infront of a large brick building that sported an orange "CHIEF" sign. Vikki grabbed my wrist and pulled me into the store after her. "Duck!" She yelled as we passed through the doors. She giggled insanely, like it was the funniest thing in the world. I rolled my eyes.

"These doors are taller then _yours_." I huffed in her direction.

She let the comment slide, and led me through the building, along various aisles until we got to what I assumed was the center of it all. Everywhere I looked there was rows of food. Up above were signs that handily declared what each row contained. I barely noticed Vikki was talking and waving a piece of paper in my face. I just now had realized how hungry I was.

"Vash. Vash? Vash!" She was drawing weird looks from the shoppers. "VASH!!" She screeched. I snapped my attention back to her. "What?"

A silver eyebrow twitched. "As I was _saying_.... Here's your half of the list. Go find all the right stuff and meet me at the checkout counter." She paused, "Got that okay?" I nodded vigorously. It sounded totally simple!

"Good.... Off you go then!" She waved briefly and started down one of the aisles of food.

I wandered around the store a bit, almost constantly looking up, because that's where the signs were at and I had no idea where anything was.

I peered at the list.

Potatoes.

Vanilla Frosting.

Cookie Dough.

Milk.

Ice cream scoop.

Ice cream toppings.

Sprinkles.

If I wasn't hungry before, I definitely was now!

Trying to remain calm, I took my orange sunglasses out of my pocket and put them on, before picking a random aisle and walking down it.

"Hmmm." I peered at the food in this row and spotted a bag of potatoes. Check. I grabbed one, tossed it over my shoulder, and walked on. I barely noticed a few people taking side-ways glances at me. I really have no idea why. Its not likely they knew about The Stampede here..

I skimmed down the list, managing to locate the vanilla frosting, the milk, the sprinkles, and the toppings. I wasn't sure on the 'flavor' of cookie dough, so I did the only reasonable thing I could think of.

"Eeny meany minie moe..."

Now even more people stared. I waved it off and grinned superiorly at them as I plucked a M+M peanut butter cookie dough package off of the self.

Skipping around the next corner, I was looking up for the signs again, and literally ran into this evil beady-eyed lady's cart. "YOU YOUNGUN! YOU JUST RAN INTO MAH CART!!" She screamed. I hadn't hurt anything by doing that, of course, except my head, which always seemed to be a casualty lately..

I sat there, sprawled on the floor, my aching head held in my hands. "Ow." "WHASSA MATTAH, SONNY_?" She talks as if her words were falling onto deaf ears.._ "Ow." "AIN'T GOT NOTHIN TO SAY FER YERSELF, EH!?" _Well they will be soon, if she keeps talking that loud._ "Ow." "TYPICAL OF YA! YA DURN WHIPPERSNAPPAHS ALL BE DA SAME_!" ...For crying out loud... _"Ow." "NEVAH SAY YER SORRY OR NUTHIN!" She snorted, then continued, "JUST RUN AROUND LIKE YA OWN DA WORLD AND DON'T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YER ACTIONS OR NUTHIN!" "I said 'OW', dangit! Take a hint!"

She glared at me with her scary, beady little eyes and I suddenly felt very small and incompetent. "My head hurts, ma'am." I pleaded pathetically.

Her wrinkled old face softened considerably. "SORRY.." She stopped when she saw me wince, and tried again. "Sorry 'bout that, youngun." She said. "I guesses ya really didn't do any damage to this 'ere cart o' mine. Even if ya did, its da store's property!" She cackled madly, then caught herself. "Sorry, sonny, lost in the moment, I was."

"That's perfectly alright, ma'am." I said politely, standing up. My head still hurt, so I hadn't yet noticed the crowd that had gathered around us from both my crash into the cart, and the old woman's yelling. I turned around and started to walk in the other direction.....

And ran into another cart.

* * *

Author notes: Don't you just love that evil old lady? O.o;;; Scary, ne? Poor Vashy! *Glomps onto him.* Mine mine mine. n____x This is just getting scarier and scarier, isn't it? But it's still funny, right? Scary is funny sometimes, yes? Why am I asking you? You can't talk to me here! XDXD  
  
Remember to gimme comments and tell me how much you love/hate my stories! Rufus@tealhuskie.com  
......I just had to add that. n.o;;  
  
Blahblahblah. Story © me. All chars (except Vash) © me. Plot, content, etc, everything © me. Vash is still unlegally mine. ^__^;


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